   brooklyn we go hard, we go hard. lookbook me : )
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I do this when I can't sleep.
bop to the top
Alot of things bother me, they're like those itches that never go away. It keeps me up, up when all the birds are chirping and the sun is rising. It doesn't allow me to enjoy the rest of the sunny day at all, cause it tires me out , closes my eyes and enters my brain where I get dreams. Not only dreams but nightmares. When I wake up these nightmares are leach - like, sucking all the emotion out of my body, sucking up my heart - leaving it cold, taking away my feelings, but leaving tears for everyone to see. I hate this restless feeling. I hate how it leaves doubt, fear, anxiety but yet it leaves no trust at all. I want the love in my heart, and the love to trust. But you can't always get what you want. Someone help me get through this tunnel so I can find the light.
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at the mean time , i'm going to talk my shit.
bop to the top
you're amazing, you're the best i can't fucking lie.
it's times when i need to be apart from you so you can do your thing
and i'll leave you alone for a bit, just a bit . it's like your getting too caught up with me and you can't catch up to your regular life. i'll still be there, just do your thing for a while and get back at me when your done. you get in so much shit from your mom just to chill with me, you go to summer school late just cause you stayed on the phone with me all night or you chilled with me so late, you were late for work that time when i slept over. c'mon babe, it's my fault for all this shit , you're wasting so much energy on me and it's just ME. i'm trying so hard to be the best girlfriend you've ever had but nothing i do compares to the things you do for me babe.
you're doin too much ' i'm not the type of girl who asks for anything, i'm content
don't bother spending a dime on me , all i want is you and i just want you.
i hope you take this in.
my birthday weekend was awesome,
cee, nic, adam, kevin, dino, anujin, chris, especially babes
thanks for everything, it was fucking live .. "high as a motherfucker, fly as a motherfucker" you guys are the best.  
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k, so tommorow is the first day of partying. getting high and wasted, yup (Y) with my lovers haha (: birthday things, holler. dear toast, bubbalub, re - tard , munchkin, chubbychaser (harhar) ' sorry i didn't get to spit shit out lately , cause honestly the things you do leave me speechless .. i don't even have to say a word to let you know how much life you brought into my life , i hope that makes sense? i know it's so cliche, but just take it in. believe it or not, each kiss still gives me that tingly feeling inside .. like the way you get tingly when you hear me sing ( you lie ) and how you try so hard to impress me it's the cutest thing ever. i still want to know what you're doing for me for my birthday. honestly babe, if you're reading this don't get me anything .. i'm stalking you tommorow and following you, like i said i would with my bike. yes, my bike >=( my imaginary one! haha, we always have the corniest moments of life .. wtf, quit reading hallmart cards babe! haha, i'm only kidding .. i swear you come up with better shit than me. haha " i love you more " slams car door, covers ears .. " blah, love you mostest! " .. cute, cute (: eff you and your stupid windows. lol, i love how we talk about cars twenty four seven and people are like wtfuck? i love you period, you bring out the best of me : D ! guess, what song i'm listenting to right now? 1234, our song
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i steal michael manalo's songs.
bop to the top
Today was pretty fun, I got my laundry done! Next project is to clean my tornado hit room I have to sleep early more so i can wake up early and enjoy the wonderful summer days .. it takes a trillion tries to wake me up, I swear ! Oh yeah the zit I had on my forehead vanished and I am so happy. After I got ready my boyfriend picked me up to show off his new Iphone 3G S, he's on some next fancy shit. Than we went to Town Center gross, LOL to meet up with C, A, C, K, M, and N :) Than I bought nasty Yogurt Green Tea Ice Cream and I love green tea ice cream just not yogurt. So I bought a strawberry cheese cake ice cream " actual ice cream " and it was delish! Than K , N, babe and I decided to go to Old Finch and meet up with them there cause they dropped C home .. it was really scary, even though Old Finch is soft ... some things I prefer not to say happened. Than we headed to Sunset Beach me and babe's favourite stop .. we laid on a sleeping bag on a dock and watched the stars. After I was pretty hungry and quiet on the way back .. so than babe took me to his countrystyle and nobody but his lola was there (L) so he made me an egg sausage cheese muffin, and it made me super full oh and an aero icecap yum (: and we ate to old - songs and he made my mommy food for her work tmr , and more food for me! We're fat asses! Than he dropped me home :) Interesting day, eh?
- Two more days to party and Five more days till I get to wear my birthday suit haha, i'm kidding !
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It's given and ain't because of what i'm doing for a living, It's more because of what I do and how i'm living.
Today I was in complete darkness and you showed me the light, How I could manage without you? I wouldn't be able to manage at all. I bawled my eyes out because of family problems and you were there in a quick second. I actually just came home right now, harhar I dropped myself home. You laughed at me because I squeak when I cry, shutup .. you still love me even IF i sound like a dying seal. We talked everything out in your car and it's the first time somebody actually understood me, not seeing past me .. but seeing right through me. You held me so tight that I fell inlove with your scent of cool water (: It's so funny because i didn't want you to see me cry at all, I hate seeing you see me cry cause I know it hurts you THAT much. I hate the fact that you came here even though you were dead tired and had rolled your socks up high, like a geek. Cute, sometimes. I love how you don't regret being with me at all , never once. I hope you're not lying. You made me feel even better by letting me drive on the road and I did so much better today. The trust bar is growing. - Love you toast.
- I'm trying to love life right now, please don't rain on my parade. I can't belive your getting re - married, I know i'm supposed to be happy for you but i'm losing my one and only father and my real brother. How's life going to be after this shit? I already lost ma, she's brainwashed by flesh eating step - father . I don't consider him a step - father at all .. Now you? I don't even see you , need I say more? Having to grow up by yourself isn't easy and you wonder why I don't want to go with you .. You know why. I love you and all, but I don't love the fact that you don't give a fuck. The love you and ma both have I wished you showed it a little more, I mean the little stuff like materialistic shit don't matter. You don't have to be together but I want to see both of you care, not unconditionally .. I just want you to care. I'm tired of going home just to eat, sleep, change, shower, use the computer. I swear I don't even talk to anybody in this house. You wonder why I don't want to go home. All I want for my sixteenth birthday is nothing big, just a family. My family. I want to show this to you, but I bet you guys aren't even going to care. I'm trying to love what I got in my life so far and make the best of it without you guys there.
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michael manalo, you're the best boyfriend ever. (:
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"please start doing you, i've been doing me." it's all good, i didn't know things can change because of something so small .. if only i knew you were like that from the start i would've just cut you out of my life. hating myself for not listening to them, what did i ever do to you? time's are hard, really hard just because you roll with a new crew you were never like this at all. dude, i'm sorry but i hate your big ego.
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"But I got love for everybody, even if your sueing me " K, I don't know what I ever did to you ...But if that's how you're going to be with things that have nothing to do with you ... than be so. No time for waste buckets, all I ever did was cover for your sorry ass. They told me you were two face from the start but I trust the wrong people too easy. It's aight though, i'm just going to kick back and relax. Holla back when your done hating. Anyways , on a better note my birthday is in seven days and my partaaaaay with my loves is in four days excited much? Haha OH .. summer is just starting ! Love the people I see everyday , too much fun.
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"All this talking I feed off of , keep it up. "
The things I hate most is lying, even though it can also be a bad habit of mine once in a while. (This is a rant so don't mind it .. just need to get things off my chest.) I'm stepping down and handing this role to someone else because i'm tired of being labled as the YFC stereotype. It's stupid because people in YFC don't do shit for the right reasons but go for the wrong reasons. I'm tired of wasting time on stupidness and bullshit. I'm capable of doing good on my own, it was fun while it lasted but soon I realised that it wasn't right for me. YFC is full of two H's .. Hypocrites and Hypebeasts. I'm not hating, i'm just stating my opinion. I love God as much as the next person does, don't get me wrong.. It's just thing's ain't going right for me, I don't feel as close to him as I should be. When things go better i'll consider it, probably not .. but from what i've seen and experienced i'm sick and tired of plastic. It's time for some real ~ I've never felt so secure before, I feel so protected and loved. It's funny how one person can change the way you look at things in life who knew? Through all the little arguments and the few fights we had I'm greatful for having you by my side everyday. Someone has made me realised that even from a bitter cold past , someone will love you eventually and unconditionally. Livfe moves on and brings you something better. You're the better. Me and M had a deep talk, I never talked to someone that deep about how I felt. I think it's about time I let go of stupid trust issues but yet still hold my ground. " There's always going to be that one person that's going to change you " sound familiar? It was the cutest thing ever, cause you said it so randomly when we were about to fall asleep. That line will forever be written in my head and played back everyday. I'm glad that someone so unworthy like me , can do something like that. I love how when we're lying in your bed looking at your ceiling we always seem to bring up the first day we met. You understand me , I understand you. It's always going to be this way if we both put the effort of trusting eachother. Just trust me to be your girl and only your girl and i'll trust you. I already do .. my trust issues are almost gone. Just almost. I'm the type of person who needs to be reassured a thousand times to get the message clear. I love you bestfriend/boyfriend.
~ i'm sorry i'm comfortable with my body and your not. ;)
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past few days have been awesome, even though we've gone through stupid fights at the end i know for a fact that we'll end up with the same loving a few hours back. me and babe stayed up all night last night eating pizza and chicken wings and looking at photography and how many hits he had on flickr lol , the picture to the right of this post is one of the shots he took of me. he's quite awesome ♥ than we ended up falling asleep cause he had work and he dropped me home just now. michael manalo you're the best =)
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What is the real definition of love? Love has many different
meanings to all different types of people. There are many stages of love at
different ages and different types of love. The definition of love is
caring about someone so deeply that your like would be very different with out them there would always be a little piece of yourself missing if they pass away or leave you. Your life is incomplete when they are away and you would do anything to protect them or to make them happy. “Love is an
incredibly powerful word. When you’re in love, you always want to be together, and when you’re not, you’re thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life is incomplete” (Sophocles).
There's two diffrent kind of people a person who's hard to love and a person who's easy to hate, let's just say i'm both. I'm not asking you to love me but i'm asking you to tell me the truth, I asked you a question you gave me the wrong answer. I'm going to remember that, I thought I found what I was looking for but now i'm so fucking unsure. He said he loves me but he doesn't know the true meaning of the word love . Stop spitting the same game cause it's not working. I'm tired of being lied to. You can lie to your ex-es but i'm not someone you can lie too. All i'm saying is , i'm better than your ex better than your fucking next. ( If that's going to happen, most likely) I'm not trying to be arms but it's going to take even longer to gain my trust or even be irreplaceable in my book cause i'm not stupid. I'm not someone who'll take all this shit in and suck your fucking dick (fucking dirt) I'm not, i'm not that kinda girl and I never will be that kinda girl. Aplogizing ain't shit in a womens world now a days.
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I don't want to be like her cause I can treat you so much better.
' i don't regret any moment when i'm with you ..
lol, so summer is so much fun ! i literally spend every fucking day
with the same people but who can really complain ! ? i love them :)
haha, it's funny cause i really don't give a fuck about this girl but than again the fact that her presence was there just pisses me off it's like k if she was like that .. than what reaches your fucking standards ? when you kiss me , do you think of her? i don't know .. even though i know he really isn't .. it's just the constant poking in your head .. saying you need to be reassured.C & N know exactly what i'm talking about. anyways i still need to let go of these stupid trust issues and kick back .. it's so fucking hard when the people in your past fucked you over big time. i've never been anyones everything and it's going to take alot of readjusting to do. i'm sorry for putting this all on you when you haven't done anything but love me but it's the fact that you love me so much .. everything seem's so unrealistic and it keeps me questioning with if's, and's or buts is this shit for real? .. naw.
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' i hate the hot burning tears fall down from my eyes, everything just keeps adding on to everything. it's like facing another death in my family, it's another loss, nothings going to be the fucking same. i mean i love all my friend's there ain't no fucking drama, i have a boyfriend i love so much. but it seem's like i can't grasp onto anything or anyone .. it feels like i'm falling down a cliff and the only thing i'm holding onto is grass.i can't talk to anyone because it feels as if i'm the only one that's got something wrong with me. all they say is " it shouldn't be too bad " yeah it shouldn't but if you were to be put in my fucking shoes you wouldn't know how much it hurts. i've been exposed to many changes in my lifetime and i didn't know i could be exposed to so much more. i honestly don't think this is going to be a great summer nor do i think i'll have a great birthday, it's never great anyway, so it wouldn't be a surprise to me if i woke up one morning and totally forgot it was my birthday. i swear i never do anything for my fucking self anymore , all i do is accept these changes rotating around me everyday.
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omgee, you listen to that bitch ?!
' i hate the fact that the past always makes it to your future,
even though people tend to think it doesn't but for me it always
ends up coming back. i'm like a walking time machine , a time machine
that focuses on the negative part of the past .. i hate it, i really do. i honestly want
this summer to be live, it's not going as good as i thought it would be so far
i'm stuck in this prison i call my room twenty four - fucking seven and yet i'm too lazy to clean this stink up. on the brighter side, they put an extenstion to my court date so i can finish my community hours and stop loafting on them :@
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time's are so hard, a) it doesn't feel like summerb) i didn't finish my community hoursc) i'm not going to be celebrating my birthdayd) my phone's brucked up.e) my dad's getting re-married , i should be happy for himbut still .. f) i'm sick. FML.
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Have you ever been inlove? Well I don't know about you, but i'm inlove. You might think i'm stupid for even bringing up the dreaded four letter word up because I was such a hopeless romantic in the past. Well this isn't the past, this is the present. I've always brought up the past before because it's the only thing that kept stopping me from loving. I admit, I was cold. Weren't you at a point? Because you felt as if every guy/girl is going to be the same. But trust me their not, once you find someone you're head over heels for everything's put into place. I can't imagine myself being alone anymore, I can't. I know i'm young ... but it just feels like i'm in the right spot at the right time. Fuck all the haters, fuck the drama. It's just you and me, not your ex - girlfriends , not my ex- boyfriends, not some next thing on the side .. just you and I. I don't even remember the last time I honestly gave somebody my all, I never wasted my breathe on someone or said I Love You and actually meant it. I'm so blessed that I have somebody to confide to and talk to about things I can't tell my closest friends. I want to thankyou for everything you've done for me , I don't know if it's too soon but I just thought I'd let you know. I'm sick and tired of crying , wether it's the fear of having to let go, wether it's the fear of being rejected. The only thing I fear is the idea of losing you because I can't imagine what would happen ... I never had a second thought ever, like I always had in the past relationships. This is silly but my heart is beating so fast writing this, it's amazing what one person can do ... What can you do? I'm high off love.
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