happy halloween pimps and hoes, today i'm going to get my lip piercing i've wanted since elementary - i'm kinda nervous but as the nerd i am, i researched stuff on google & watched several videos on youtube and there's nothing to be nervous about. absolutely calm true? haha, so yesterday wasn't that much of a good day , everything out of the ordinary is changing drastically before my eyes and i pretty much hate it. the people who are closest to me know me well enough to know what i'm talking about. there are some people who are closest to me that can't even acknowledge me anymore, no matter how supportive i was for them. that's why it's about time to cut, cut , cut them out of my life. like they were even visible in the first place? anyways, i'm on my way out and my stomach freaking hurts - nervousness is taking a toll on me.
i just want to go to co - op already, i hate this stupid sickness but still i manage to go out with my boyfriend and my friends. i feel unaccomplished and tired, disgusting.
In all honesty , today was the greatest. I'm currently at my boyfriends house and our seven months was fucking amazing , Law Abiding Citizen was the shiiiiiiiiiiiit. We feasted on Taco Bell and I came to a conclusion I like the Steak Burrito cold better .. but not the fries supreme, kinda gross. (Y) Babe, this is better than your 7938479837493 million dollar dinner you always treat me with - I'm kidding it's all equally good. But I must say that this is way better than our six months, regardless if that was half a year that was pretty shit :( But the dinner was AMAZING. It was so cute when your like, " If someone were to ever do that to you like in Law Abiding Citizen , I would be a a mass murderer convict" Along those lines. Lol, your so cute you wore your Ralph Lauren pajamas your mom gave you. " Michael look what I bought you" You: " Oh, thanks mom" Lol, your mom : " It's Ralph Lauren " You: " I like it way better now" Haha, um who's extra now? Can't wait till Halloween and is it just me? Or it seems like everybody's dressing up like a slut this year? Kidding. Haha, anyways thanks for this great monthsery! ( Gay word )
Happy Seven Months. It's amazing how we've only been going out for seven months and it seems like you know me inside and out. It's ridiculous how you make me feel when you kiss the side of my lips, because you know how much I hate it when you kiss my forehead. I love how I manage to go through so much pain just so I can spend even a couple minutes with my baby. These past two months have definitely been hell , you even said it. It's hard for me to let go of the fights , because you DID hurt me once before and it's still going to take a large amount of time to heal. I know you had a bad history, but hopefully I can change that. People make mistakes and we were stupid in the beginning of our whole relationship. I'm the type of girl that never forgives or forgets but I guess your an exception. March 13th honestly felt like the best day of my life, I will never forget that night. " If only we met each other way back when .. " we would always say. Our child hood always had something to do with each other. Where you grew up, was where I grew up. How your tito know's my dad and such. It's so funny. I hope you realize how much my love has grown for you , Even if we didn't kiss, or didn't hold hands - I'd still love you the same. It's time for me to also realize that I'm done with the childish flirts, or even letting stupid " chops " phase me , I'm settling down now. Never once have I found a guy that had treat me the same way, or treat me this good. I've always gotten bored and at the end I didn't lose or gain anything. You never gave me a reason to cheat on you or even regret this whole relationship regardless of our many fights we had, never once. You tell me you've been played many times before, but is it wrong that i'm different from the rest? I'm not about to put up a front and tell you , that your my one and only and few months later I'm going to be sleeping around. Sorry no, i'm not like your stupid ex girlfriends ( yep, the ones that constantly lurk on my blog spot page hoping for me to mention them in my latest posts haha ) . When I say something I actually mean what I say. I've always had to prove something with you, prove that I'm willing to stay. The future is what I'm scared for, I just hope your still willing to be there for me, to fight for me and to STAY with me . Your history hurts me everyday but I'm always trying to see it in a different perspective. I wish I trusted you from the start, I wish you gave me a reason to trust you. But nobody said this would be easy. Nothing is given in a relationship , we both have to make do of what we have now. God forbid the day that we finally let go of eachothers hands, or the day that we finally stop talking - I don't want you to ever forget me Michael Manalo. I want you to keep all the memories we had, and store them in your heart where you can find them again. Okay? But I just want you to remember that the love that we have, can not be reused, or recycled cause this time it's different. I actually want this to last. Hehe, aren't you glad that this is the longest you've ever stayed with a girl without breakups? :) Happy Seven Fucking Months!
Whenever i wake up the first thing I think of is you. I still cant imagine that this really happened to me. I've never felt so alive ever since you walked into my life somethings come over me I love what you've done to me. I've fallen for you and its all because... You are so wonderful to me with the way that you love me. I love the way that you love me. Your love is so precious that I'll never let this ever go. Boy, i cant remember a time when i was ever I was so in love. Words can never explain all the joy that you give to me each day. I never thought love would be the only thing I would need. I really think you are the one. When I'm with with my friends, even when i'm all alone .. I think of you and when the radio plays your favorite song, I think of you.
I honestly never felt this way before, I never cried this much for one guy. I never loved a guy this much that I'd do anything to see him smile. At the same time I never hurt this much from one guy. Everything I do now it always has something to do with you. I wish I trusted you more and I wish you'd understand if i didn't. I never been in real relationship before so bare with me. I'm so scared, my biggest fear now a days is just losing you cause your so just so awesome. I thank God everyday for blessing me with the gift of love, it's honestly such a wonderful thing. I wake up every morning , pick up my phone and smile because i'm so happy, looking forward to just hearing your voice. No matter how much hardships we've been through i can officially say you have been so real throughout this whole relationship, you've been the realest of the real. I've always abused the word before and used it on the wrong people, when they said it to me. I thought love was puppy love , puppy love that filled your heart w / flowers or chocolates .. but no. You're beyond that, and I don't even know how you put up with the girls that hurt you in the past because your worth more than just being played or tossed around. You need somebody that will take care of you and actually stay with you in the long run. Is fear the most natural feeling when your in love? Cause it sure hurts , it's a woman's nature to over think scenarios. I'm sorry for always doubting you, I'm sorry. The past makes you so vulnerable all the time, all the fucking time. The past is past us now and we shouldn't keep dwelling on it. I have your word and only your word to rely on now a days , cause if we don't have trust in one another then we can't make it work. You can easily slip out of my fingers, so fast. That's why I live every moment when I'm with you , despite our arguments. I never felt this loved before not even from my own parents. It's just such a blessing honestly. I mean I know you felt it all before cause your more experienced, i get you. Just give me the chance to live this moment because this is my first time. If we could turn back time I would. I would erase your past so I can be your first, but we can't do that. I would do so many things to make everything better that's life , God didn't give us a map that we can plot by ourselves. The reason why I'm writing this blog is because I can't tell you straight up how I feel , I'm just so scared to say the wrong things. You make me nervous every single time, I know right? It's like seven months , I'm still nervous. I STILL get shaky and weak when you kiss me. I still find it hard to say love, because I keep thinking this is all just make believe it's too good to be true. Wtf, your like my own personal drug. It's taking a fucking toll on me, But really now , it's just me and you against the world. I'd do anything to protect you and keep you from anything that will hurt you. Just please give me the chance so you can understand me , how I feel. I'm not the perfect girlfriend, I may not reach your standards all the time but I just want you to know that I'll always be there for you. I actually cried alot typing this, fuck you haters if you think this is hella - corny. Love always
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Aftermath : After I wrote this blog I come to realization to never trust anybody so deep because you'll end up getting hurt at the end. I thought I learned my lesson two years ago but I guess i'm still on the process of determining new people that walk in and out of my life. When mistakes happen somebody's always bound to find out, no matter how secret you kept it. The thing is the load that almost broke my back was shown to the public, making me look stupid for being so clueless and love sick, gross and I never realized it at the time . I never been hurt this much by somebody I loved so much, ever. There's only so much pain I can endure until I actually break down , I've broke down before , I've been hurt before - by somebody i took interest in , not somebody I loved. Second chances are given but only second chances, nothing more than that. My heart is telling me to stay but not to trust. I fucked up before but I never fucked up this much. You can't depict any excuses if you don't actually mean it. Promises are meant to be kept, not meant to be broken. Relationships aren't temporary flings. The space and time you want actually makes me wonder now that I found what I found. This isn't a compromise this is me simply , expressing my feelings. Just be understanding for once, and not stubborn. And the audacity you have to ask me why I don't trust you? Like, are you kidding me? Is that a fucking rhetorical question? I proved YOU wrong this time. You find your own way to earn my trust back fast . Cause I'm a very impatient person.
Today was awesome, like ACTUALLY. My boyfriend took the long way to Down Town we took the Finch bus and he fell asleep on my shoulder snoring. So cute, he helped me find a dress for his friends debut and he got me a Hello Kitty Munny thing, and he got domo & a breast larvae munny ( kidding ) but we got a few things at Urban Outfitters. We gave in our second time eating Mc Donalds disgusting , if you know us well we fucking hate Mc Donalds now ... but I just couldn't resist. On our way back we had " talks " the deep kind ones, where we actually listened to each other and let everything go. I love him , I can't even lie. I love how I'm not sleeping over at the boyfriend's house today so we can actually talk on the phone , haven't done that in a while. But his mama's dinners are awesome ;) So, we're going to watch Paranormal Activity tomolos!
Your nothing but the truth and I absolutely fucking love it.
I am reasuring you that, you won't regret all the moments you've spent and will spend with me just like how I havnt and how I won't ♥ I love you Ria Ilagan
and nothing is gonna change the way I feel about you.
I felt the need to finally let go of the past. Because I know you love me , you told me yourself. And without trust there is no love, I've always always trusted you. But it just took me a while to trust you fully. Love is a very controversial word, nobody knows what it means until you actually feel it. It's always misused , it's always confused with the word infatuation as you all know. Love always seems to always cut a deep hole into our heart when things go wrong. I never want to lose you babe, I just want to love you. I admit, you don't even have to say it - i was insecure, insecure about losing you to some other girl and your just going to end up happy and me? I have to start from scratch again, being that hopeless romantic I've always had been. Cause if everybody knows me well before, I've never been happy. I never did smile, unknowingly all i thought about was fear and the past that did hurt me. Until I met you, I no longer thought about the past that once hurt me. I let go of my own past, I let go of yours and you have yet to let go of mine. Now, don't take advantage of my trust. Cause it'll only hurt you at the end.
Laughter can easily turn into pain in a few seconds and little do you know that you can get caught up in your own lies. A string of lies, that lead into tears. Some guys don't know how much it affects us girls, cause some of us just play it off and pretend nothings wrong. We do our make up and hair on our down days not cause we're finally happy, it's to cover up all the pain that we conceal inside. Trust is one of the most sensitive issues for a girl, well for me at least. I've learned from past experience and past mistakes that I can never trust somebody just by looking at them, it takes a million years for somebody to earn my trust , by looking past them. I mean, we all made mistakes before by looking at the past and collecting the pieces and creating a new puzzle for yourself. But you have to tell yourself that creating a new puzzle for yourself with those old pieces won't just work. It's hard to get over the things that hurt you most or will hurt you the most but that's not important, the past isn't important by all means. Risks are the hardest things that I can ever take , I mean I can probably get drunk and go skinny dipping in a lake .. But the hardest risks for everybody is to forgive, forget, love and trust. Pride usually gets in the way, pride always gets in the way. The fear of losing somebody is all bundled up in the category of risks and pride. What am I saying ? Forgiving, forgetting, loving and trusting all have to do with pride & risks. For eg. If you risk forgiving somebody you'll have that devil on your shoulder telling you not to, cause you'll end up getting hurt at the end. " Forget the risk, take the fall". To all the guys out there, keep your girl no matter how long it takes for her to earn your trust , it's all worth it at the end.
It's a party in the USA ! Haha, I'm totally loving that song off. Anyways yesterday me and my boyfriend had been eating non - stop, we went to this filipino party at a buffet with his tita and we went to his house we had this lovely family dinner. I helped! Then today , we had dinner with my family at Mandarin ! Gr, fatties. Bleh, school tommorow .. I still haven't found a legit placement for co - op, urban behaviour was shit and the clothes are obviously shit and tomorrow second period I have to hand in those darn assignments I didn't do. I'm going shopping with my mama dearest soon and I already have a couple things in mind to buy! Well my boyfriend named fatty panda is back and we're going to eat again so goodnight bloggers.
The more you don't see a person significant to you, the more you miss them. Yep, it's true. I miss my family, this is the first Thanksgiving I ever had without spending time with my family. I'm seeing my mom tomorrow, but it's not really the same. " I'm just going to drop the turkey to you " k , i mean turkeys great it gives you itus ... but it isn't thanksgiving. Nothing means anything more in our family, it's always about replacing. Forgetting but never forgiving. What is this? I'm so jealous of people who can sit down and have a proper family dinner, no bad tension , no arguments, just a normal dinner. I can say this, I never actually had a REAL family in my teen life. What a shame. Missioning to sauga to surprise my bestfriend Nicole Reyes was pretty live, " I had a fight with my boyfriend and I don't think i'm coming anymore" Lol, then we came! Ugh, how I miss you.
Anyways blogspot is kinda gay now, as you can see I haven't updated it in so long. I haven't been on any website besides facebook farmville in a while. Internet communication is stupid. I'm using my phone most of the time, I'm loving it off .. Just got it two days ago? And i'm more addicted to texting and lately, i've been camping out on the couch watching gossip girl. Catch me when you can bitches.
NUIT BLANCHEtoday with boyfriend , holler !Lately , everything has been going by so smooth. I mean the littlest things bother me at times but times but they haven't affected me yet as much as things did before. I know all of you are awaiting a drama filled blog post and some people are waiting to laugh at my daily spoofs .. But right now, I'm happy. My trust and my broken feelings have partially healed now . I mean NOTHING phases me anymore, nothing. The only thing that motivates me to do better is me , myself and I. Even my closest family members or closest others can't push me to do something I need or have to do. I'll still always be the honest - tell it like it is , Ria. Nothing's going to change that, cause that's how I am. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and so am I. I need to get back on track with my heart and it's direction , no matter how many times your heart breaks you have to pick the pieces up and re-locate them. That's what I'm trying to do now. My mission for this month is " Forgive and Forget" cause that's something I can't do and don't want to do.
October first - well lah - dee - dah! I love Autumn, it's starting to become my favorite season love fall wardrobe holla at yo giiiiiiiiiirl . Anyways today was a great day, my boyfriend picked me up from night school and dropped me off home and enjoyed terrific quality time ; ) He's so cute! Even IF he looked like a nazi banana ( I'm not even going to capitalize nazi) Night school was fun even if I walked into class looking like a total idiot " Uh, miss there isn't anymore seats " .. Fuck . My fellow night school classmates fell in love with my Hello Kitty stationary and my Monchichi binder (: Anyways I won't be complaining for a while, I'm pretty darn content. I love my nazi banana aka M ♥
