Hello, i'm Ria.
My life is slowly ending
this is the last you'll hear of me.
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fuck everything i said, fuck dreams.
most of em' aren't reachable.
i have extremely low self esteem at the moment
reassure me.
" reach for the stars so when you fall you land on a cloud"
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Happy Birthday mama, I love you.
It's your birthday today, I cant lie I thought it was tomorrow.
Lately, I haven't been the greatest daughter because i've been selfish.
Selfish because I've been wanting to spend so much time with you
like the old days - before the stranger , your new husband moved in.
Things aren't like that anymore, I don't belong at home so that's why I don't call it a home.
I'm hardly home. And when I am we're too busy fighting then trying to find something to do.
I just want to be the best daughter ever, if I can't be the best one to the dad then I guess i'm striving to be the best daughter to you. At the end ma, you're really all I've got. You bailed me out so many times , you have so many sleepless nights because you wait for me to come home and you have work the next day and i've been taking all of this for granted. I hate it as much as you do. You're my bestfriend and my blood. You understand me when there's something wrong and you can tell by the smallest things like my facial expressions. I know you probably won't find this letter , asap. And it's so freaking corny but - it doesn't matter how fast the clock ticks, how fast the numbers are countin down to heaven ' but you'll forever be my mother .
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Okay, real talks .. I've got my dreams planned out.
They're only called dreams for now because I still haven't achieved them - But i'm going to do it as soon as possible for everybody elses sake. I'm not good at school , but i'll try my hardest. No road blocks this time. December could be the turning point in my life, the day I could laugh at all the tiny haters and be like - who's laughing now? I'm going to buy my ticket and fly my ass there and do what I've got to do. Don't worry i'm not forgetting about M , he better come with me. I've been loafting on this for so long, I haven't gone last year because of assholes who brought me down - telling me not to leave them. Stfu, I'm done that stupid shit. This summer i've realized the sluggish drinking , blazing , partying life isn't for me AT ALL. I'll be doing it big this year .
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This weekend - week was so fun , me and went back to the trailer
to chill with his cousins. They got pretty wasted blazing and shrooms with emotional talks "bro talks "
and "debates " and some people teared up. Guess what? I was freaking sober and being a fat ass! With light drinking/ blazing ! Lol, I love M's cousin's they're freaking jokes. Shaving peoples heads and what not when they fall asleep. I'm proud to say I got a light tan, M's cousin N told me to use tanning oil and it sort of worked. I don't know what's wrong with my skin I think it deflects heat and light. Need to get my hands on that tanning oil shit when I'm home, home. We swam for like two hours at the lake today it was so fun, I never experienced jumping into falls with rapids and currents floating you away. The con's were the rocks scarring our feet and legs at the bottom but all good it was worth all the scars. I swallowed some water and I think it's making me sick cause alot of people pissed in that lake water, I'm pretty sure . After the lake we had some amazing ice cream ! Ugh, to die for . Pretty live my friends, pretty live.
Well bloggers , I'm getting off this now - cause I know my boyfriend is anxious to read this ginormous post. The end of summer is getting liver and liver.
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HOLLER.
Lol, so I just came back from my boyfriends families trailer
and it was freaking awesome. It was the first time I went swimming
in the lake and I felt as if I was molested by seaweed! Haha, kidding. The stars
at night were amazing - Now i'm craving the urge to go camping.
The wildlife is amazing. I had to get away from the arcade once in a while,
I finally got an initial d license (baha) i love my mr2! :D
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can't wait till :
g1 maybe this week.
my 95 ' civic - modified hatchback or twodoor? or - 86' Corolla / Trueno also modified. stick.
love my mother.
starting timmys (gross)
finish off the dave and busters card.
wonderland again, this time come prepared!
camping trip, yup.
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hello there , blogspot.
so yesterday i went to donmills center
to buy michael his second birthday present, i bought him
sperrys - the lady in the store came up to me " hey , you're cute .. bring your resume before five"
i was like um, okay. so then, michael picked me up and he loved my gift ALOT =) and the lady gave me the interview on the spot. She said if I get the job, she's going to transfer me to fairview ... maybe, little burgandy or stone ridge (yn) wish me luck.
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i hate living in awkwardness, i hate living in negativity and jealousy.
i can't let it go , if it's right in your face.
i thought i had let go of the first dilemma and here it comes, storming back into your life.
why the fuck is she even there? well, i've heard so many excuses and wrong answers.
it's not right, it's not fucking right.
i'm going to be straight up - i hate all your recent ex- girlfriends.
they're like leaches that cling onto your skin and suck it.
you tell me they're done caring, but why the fuck are they still there then?
i don't know what's going on behind my back sometimes, when i'm at home sleeping,
when i'm out with family. what the fuck is going on?
my trust issues sunk down from a million to 0.5
it's going to take a while to get it back. It's always going to be,
Ria Deluna Ilagan - Second place no?
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i've realized that no matter how many times you've been hurt , how many times you fall, how many times tears hit your pillow at night - you always have to keep things positive. i'm trying to keep things under control, no matter how much pain is going through my heart. or how loud the rain drops are pouring on my rooftop. on the other hand i can't keep pretending everything is going to be alright, i THOUGHT everything was going to be alright. i thought wrong. just when you think that life is good, something hits you bad and makes you go back to the starting line, make you go through the race where your trying to win. i tried so hard, so hard for everything. to try to make everything perfect just to make somebody smile. but what do i get in return? hate, hate for something i didn't do.
i can't breathe, i can't think properly.
i can't take this, this is too much to handle.
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k, so lately i've been so busy for anyone.
i know it's summer and i should be having the time of my life
before school starts but i have to prioritize. i swear my summer is just starting now -
i'm starting at the finish line , fucking gay.
so my modeling thing went well , i made it
and my photo shoot is suppose to be on Thursday.
Thing is, i don't know anymore - it's six hundred bucks for a
fucking photographer .. still contemplating m'dears.
today i went to downtown alone , trying to shop
but lately there IS nothing good on the racks , or everybody else has it.
I checked urban outfitters , forever 21 , aritizia , get outside , little burgandy
and i found nothing. All i bought was my cherry blossom perfume at bodyshop, cause mine ran out and mc donalds. I've been eating Mc Donalds every single day of my life =| So addicting. I have to update my lookbook sooner or later, i'm loafting on alot of things.
I applied to a few retail stores to get a job. Wish me luck (yn)
I'll get back at you with some REAL posts sooner or later, just going to enjoy my summer night with the boyfriend ♥
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Hey guys!
Guess what ?
I got another call from ANOTHER modeling agency!
Called " Orange Models " wish me luck on tommorows audition! :)
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I changed my blog spot skin - I swear everybody else had this skin already.
But oh well , it was easy to do. So I got ZERO sleep or rest and I have my
modeling auditions today. Michael helped me apply to alot of modeling agencies
this morning. Agencies like Ford. There were some modeling agencies that didn't even let me apply because of my stupid height. 5'3 won't get me into anything big, my dad was right - I should've continued with my milk drinking. Oh ! Yesterday, I found this AMAZING pore clenser .. since my pores WERE huge. It worked wonders! The last step I have to conquer to get amazing skin is SLEEP. Due to my sleeping conditions , I will not get the skin I've always wanted =( This entry sounds so VAIN but i'm uber - nervous , for todays audition! Wish me luck kiddos , i'm going to get my FEW
hours of rest ; )
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   Who new a couple pictures can get you somewhere?
Thanks to my boyfriend dearest , Michael Manalo's photos
led me to a coco models audition for Thursday! I'm kinda really
excited. This is my second time auditioning the last time I made it to Barbizon but
the classes were way overpriced and too much pressure to look a certain way.
I'm so scared - AH.
Anyways , Linny babes is coming over
so we can head downtown to buy my babes gift ! He already knows what it is -.-"
Stupid guy knew he would get it out of me , I hope he loooooooooves it.
=)
My audition pictures are the ones above !
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 I'm not really all that into import but why does this Nissan 240 - sx look so nice? I'm also not a big fan of the white rims , but damn it fits so nice. Just some drawing ideas I got. Michael knows the second reason why i'm inlove with this car cause michelle rodriguez drove it in fast and the furious one. Random post, but just had to post this up.
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 Trust ? It's getting there - " What kills me, only makes me stronger " In this case it's us.
Our arguments keep growing , growing but it constantly makes US grow.
It's hard when most of the time I feel second place , I'm still trying to let that go
but I JUST can't .. If you're bassicly face to face with this dilemma. Real talks I never felt so insecure in a relationship before, insecure because i'm so scared to lose you. Don't get me wrong , when I say insecure .. I mean I actually care. No offense to any of my exes but I never cared, I never cared like this. Never cared to the point that it made me cry. For the first time I felt the pain, the hurt , the fear. The fear of losing , even though I know I'm not going to. The fact of me just imagining it - it hurts. And you know how I take things to heart? " If he cheated for you, he's going to cheat on you " I read that on a friends note today. Nobody can tell me that, you know why? Cause before this whole relationship started , I thought that over - I was prepared, like sort of preparing to get hurt .. But you've proved me wrong. Despite all the stories or rumors I heard. I've been through being played, I'm not stupid. I'm not like your stupid ex - girlfriend's, i'm not stupid enough to wait for something to happen or sit down and waste my fucking time. It's sill the if's, and's or buts that constantly replay in my head , like a broken record. But soon enough that records going to break down and I won't have to hear it ever again. I admit , i'm cocky .. cocky because i'm gaining that trust , cocky because I have a guy like Michael Manalo.
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On a brighter note - I haven't written about me and my boyfriend's four months on the twenty eight . Kinda late now, but it was awesome. He took me to a fancy resturant called Sasafraz and than we had a double date with Nic and Kevin ;) Cayoote No? He's the best , cause he told me he never done that for a girl before. I love him to peices.
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