Happy Half A Year.
bop to the top
These six months have been a roller coaster ride to me. Sometimes we keep going up and down, up and down until I feel sick to my stomach. I've never been in a serious relationship before, yet fall in love with somebody before and I've never hurt this much before. This is all part of the ride with no steering at all . You never know what's going to happen next. Even through all the arguments , tears , no trust and heartbreak the easiest thing to do for both of us is to leave. No matter how many times my head tells me to leave , I also and always acknowledge my heart - Stay Ria, stay you've been in this for so long , fighting. Sometimes I wish I had a stronger back bone to keep me up through all this drama, I wish I never broke down easily or at least have the balls to finally give in and trust you but it takes a while, a long ass while for me to cooperate with my heart. I respect you the most because no guy was willing to wait for me to trust them, if i don't trust them they'll dip. My trust is a test, not just any test - it's a test for happiness and the future. I want to know if you'd be down for me and if you'll take advantage of it , if there's a little too much. I never ever want to stop you from being happy, we're just too stubborn to realize it . I honestly don't care if you go drink, go blaze, go out with your friends as long as you don't take advantage of my trust. I made a mistake and I fucked up the other day, I know it - I did it out of a spite and only spite. I wouldn't do anything you wouldn't do. Sometimes I feel like the whole world is putting weight on this relationship , because they don't have what he have. Nobody will ever have what we had . It's always like I'm in competition with your world, and sometimes it feels like I lost and barely even touched the finish line because a hundred people tried lapping me. My previous blogs before have been about my trust being from one to a hundred percent with you, but I'm sorry that was my fault. I've always had so many misconceptions with trust and love, and finally I've realized that they're two different things. Kind of like being in love and just plain old love there is a difference. I'm in love with you Michael Manalo and always will be. We faced so many obstacles that included are past and we're still trying to get through it, as I said the easiest thing to do is leave but the hardest thing is to forgive, forget and let go. That's what I can't do all the time, because I've been forgiving, forgetting and letting go half my life that it hurts to even try doing it again. I've finally apologized and let go even though it was killing me inside yesterday, even if it was through text. My number one fear in my life right now is losing you and it'll always be that until you prove to me you can be the one I can rely on and trust. I sacrificed a lot so we can be together, even if it means cutting off some friends because you showed me what the meaning of real and fake is. Your beyond real and that's what I like about you. Don't get me wrong but I know at times you may think that I don't think for myself because I need people's advice, but I take bits of there knowledge of there past relationships and put it into my knowledge because I'm so noob at this whole relationship ordeal and sometimes I just need somebody to talk to. I've never felt so comfortable in my life with a guy and I'm at happiest with relationships, your my best friend and that's what I love about us. Your the only one I lost my all too, your the only one I sleep with and wake up to you in the morning, your the one who sees me at my worst. your the one who sees me at my best. You may have fallen in love before but I know it isn't the same, what we have is different . As I always say, I don't care who loves you first , I love you now and that's what matters. Everyday I'm fighting for you and I'll continue to fight for you cause love is a battle
field. I hope we enjoy our six months , regardless of my stupid vomiting, my stupid ankle and the rain.
Love always, Ria .
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