Whenever i wake up the first thing I think of is you. I still cant imagine that this really happened to me. I've never felt so alive ever since you walked into my life somethings come over me I love what you've done to me. I've fallen for you and its all because... You are so wonderful to me with the way that you love me. I love the way that you love me. Your love is so precious that I'll never let this ever go. Boy, i cant remember a time when i was ever I was so in love. Words can never explain all the joy that you give to me each day. I never thought love would be the only thing I would need. I really think you are the one. When I'm with with my friends, even when i'm all alone .. I think of you and when the radio plays your favorite song, I think of you.
I honestly never felt this way before, I never cried this much for one guy. I never loved a guy this much that I'd do anything to see him smile. At the same time I never hurt this much from one guy. Everything I do now it always has something to do with you. I wish I trusted you more and I wish you'd understand if i didn't. I never been in real relationship before so bare with me. I'm so scared, my biggest fear now a days is just losing you cause your so just so awesome. I thank God everyday for blessing me with the gift of love, it's honestly such a wonderful thing. I wake up every morning , pick up my phone and smile because i'm so happy, looking forward to just hearing your voice. No matter how much hardships we've been through i can officially say you have been so real throughout this whole relationship, you've been the realest of the real. I've always abused the word before and used it on the wrong people, when they said it to me. I thought love was puppy love , puppy love that filled your heart w / flowers or chocolates .. but no. You're beyond that, and I don't even know how you put up with the girls that hurt you in the past because your worth more than just being played or tossed around. You need somebody that will take care of you and actually stay with you in the long run. Is fear the most natural feeling when your in love? Cause it sure hurts , it's a woman's nature to over think scenarios. I'm sorry for always doubting you, I'm sorry. The past makes you so vulnerable all the time, all the fucking time. The past is past us now and we shouldn't keep dwelling on it. I have your word and only your word to rely on now a days , cause if we don't have trust in one another then we can't make it work. You can easily slip out of my fingers, so fast. That's why I live every moment when I'm with you , despite our arguments. I never felt this loved before not even from my own parents. It's just such a blessing honestly. I mean I know you felt it all before cause your more experienced, i get you. Just give me the chance to live this moment because this is my first time. If we could turn back time I would. I would erase your past so I can be your first, but we can't do that. I would do so many things to make everything better that's life , God didn't give us a map that we can plot by ourselves. The reason why I'm writing this blog is because I can't tell you straight up how I feel , I'm just so scared to say the wrong things. You make me nervous every single time, I know right? It's like seven months , I'm still nervous. I STILL get shaky and weak when you kiss me. I still find it hard to say love, because I keep thinking this is all just make believe it's too good to be true. Wtf, your like my own personal drug. It's taking a fucking toll on me, But really now , it's just me and you against the world. I'd do anything to protect you and keep you from anything that will hurt you. Just please give me the chance so you can understand me , how I feel. I'm not the perfect girlfriend, I may not reach your standards all the time but I just want you to know that I'll always be there for you. I actually cried alot typing this, fuck you haters if you think this is hella - corny. Love always
.
Aftermath : After I wrote this blog I come to realization to never trust anybody so deep because you'll end up getting hurt at the end. I thought I learned my lesson two years ago but I guess i'm still on the process of determining new people that walk in and out of my life. When mistakes happen somebody's always bound to find out, no matter how secret you kept it. The thing is the load that almost broke my back was shown to the public, making me look stupid for being so clueless and love sick, gross and I never realized it at the time . I never been hurt this much by somebody I loved so much, ever. There's only so much pain I can endure until I actually break down , I've broke down before , I've been hurt before - by somebody i took interest in , not somebody I loved. Second chances are given but only second chances, nothing more than that. My heart is telling me to stay but not to trust. I fucked up before but I never fucked up this much. You can't depict any excuses if you don't actually mean it. Promises are meant to be kept, not meant to be broken. Relationships aren't temporary flings. The space and time you want actually makes me wonder now that I found what I found. This isn't a compromise this is me simply , expressing my feelings. Just be understanding for once, and not stubborn. And the audacity you have to ask me why I don't trust you? Like, are you kidding me? Is that a fucking rhetorical question? I proved YOU wrong this time. You find your own way to earn my trust back fast . Cause I'm a very impatient person.
